by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com FREE Online Dating
A key to successful dating and relationships is self-awareness. It is important to realize how we are acting and the impact and effect it has on those around us. Without self-awareness, how can you know what needs to change and improve? You wouldn’t unless another was to tell you and you were to believe them. So, rarely. An important area to be self-aware of relates to energy. In particular, do you primarily give off negative energy and come across like a negative person in your impressions with others, or the opposite: do you primarily give off positive energy and come across like a positive person? There is an old saying: you’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar. In this case, positive energy will attract others and negative energy will repel them.
The kind of energy you are giving off:
So, what kind of energy are you primarily giving off when you are around and interacting with others? A decent source to help you know is found in the classic book First Impressions by Ann Demarais and Valerie White. In this book, questionnaires are given across 16 dimensions showing 8 positive ways and 8 oppositive negative ways you may be coming across to others. 6 of the questionnaires focus on coming across with either positive versus negative energy, specifically relating to impressions of your perspectives, your communication style, and your conversational style. Here are the sets of behaviors to be aware of that could lead you to come across negatively in these 3 different ways. Please work to minimize these behaviors. From the book:
Conversely, here are ways to emphasize that will help you come across positively:
The more aware you are of how you are coming across to others, the better you can lessen your negative energy and increase your positive energy with your impressions to others. If you want to come across attractively, please make whatever corrections are needed to give off good energy and come across in a positive way. At the same time, please work to minimize the negatives. Research shows that the first impression we have of others basically remain the same in about 80% of all relationships. Therefore, coming across in the positive ways and giving off positive energy is essential for getting opportunities to have a relationship with others. Please make the adjustments accordingly for your situation. And remember that “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 11:1).
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